Parents of “trans kids”: Series 2 Part 2: Coming Out

Now that we have covered the background to the author’s, funders and steering group let us look at what the research says. {Note also that the research adopts opposite sex pronouns and descriptions for all the subjects deemed to be transgender. There will be lots of ”his breasts”.}

If you missed the introductory piece you can find it here:

Parents of “Trans” kids: Series 2

There were twenty families interviewed for the research and they talked about their child ”coming out”, how they reacted and their interactions with CAMHS (Children and adolescent mental health services), GPs, Gender Clinics and schools. For some it seems to have come out of the blue, some expected their child would be gay and others seem to have strongly anticipated their child coming out as ”transgender” and enthusiastically embraced it. Some children /teens seemed to have arrived at the conclusion independently but some parents seem to have determined this pathway themselves. I draw this conclusion because of the very young ages of the children, the family dynamics on display and the ideologically driven phraseology; such as ”assigned at birth”.

The parents report varying displays of distress, in their children, such as this from a seven year old. Again the language seems scripted and the speed with which the mum, in this case, accepts the child’s explanation suggests a degree of collusion.

Many of the children were already experiencing mental health issues and had been referred to CAMHS. Whilst exploring their difficulties the parents are presented with ”Gender Dysphoria” as an explanatory cause, as with Ross, below. 👇

Many children were struggling with bullying, social isolation and not fitting in with their peer groups. The difficulties were projected onto a feeling of not really being a girl/boy; an explanation that may have come as a relief to the child/teenager and the parents. Not only does this provide an explanation it provides a pathway for worried parents to follow. It also focuses attention away from more complex, underlying, causes. Any parent facing this scenario is advised to look at my work on the accounts /research of detransitioners, you will find many commonalities. That alone ought to give you paise for thought.

More than one parent had expected their child would come out as gay. This is unsurprising as young Lesbians and Gay males display behaviour out of the norm, for their sex. Homosexual/bisexual youth are over-represented at Gender Clinics, which should be raising alarm bells.

This parent 👇 always anticipated her child would be transgender. It doesn’t appear to have occurred to her that the same behaviours, she describes, would also apply to a proto-gay kid. The ”Kate” speaking here is a foster parent who also works for the charity Mermaids (Lobby group for ”trans kids).

Here a parent outlines her expectation that her child would come out in primary school but this did not materialise until they hit puberty. This does not surprise me, adolescence is a key time for identity exploration and a turbulent time, especially for girls. It is not clear whether parental expectations could have been transmitted, consciously or otherwise. The child’s experience cannot be divorced from parental views or the societal obsession with all things ”transgender”, over the last decade. There has never been a time before where parents would assume their child might be a potential, transsexual.

Given the statistical likelihood of having two trans-identifying kids in one family I am going to hazard a guess that something else is going on here 👇. Perhaps the “transgender” child is soaking up all the attention? The second child will also have been surrounded by another possible explanation for normal adolescent confusion. Having affirmed one child based on their account it then becomes more difficult to question a second one:

In this account the parent places an undue amount of significance on toy and clothes preferences. What are boy toys? Were we not supposed to have pushed back on this regressive crap? Here the parent claims to have been ”thrilled” to have a girl who played with “boys” stuff. This is, of course, laudable but is a ”trans man” an uber, uber, tomboy and even more of a thrilling prospect?

This mum claims to have been really worried about her child coming out and what that means for the future but immediately seeks answers from google.

Sadly by seeking advice from google this, inevitably, means she will have encountered ”trans affirming” sites since google is a key promoter of gender identity ideology. Google UK even intervened to promote their preferred out come on Gender Recognition Act consultation.

You can read about this here:

Openlynews (Thompson Reuters Foundation)

Worth also pointing out that Thompson Reuters Foundation helped with the production of the Denton’s document. Marginalised minority anyone? {If you don’t know about that document check my blog. I posted on it.}

Many parents spoke of their relief on being told their child was “transgender”. I have some sympathy for that emotion. If your child is having mental health issues it is common to want a ”diagnosis” and a plan of action. Where the child confides in you it can also be flattering and an endorsement of your parenting skills. You may be pleased your child chose you over the other parent, especially if you are estranged.

Here two parents talk about the added difficulties when the child does not reside with both parents. Mel talks about navigating this terrain as a step-parent and Georgina on the angry exchanges she has had with her ex-husband. My default is to empathise with the mum, in most cases, but I make an exception for Georgina, for reasons that will become clear.

Just why Georgina’s ex was the last to know will become clear during this series. Here is a glimpse into how the “transition” of his child was dealt with 👇. As you can see the child is already at the doctors getting a referral to a gender clinic before the dad has even been informed.

Later in this series I will cover the research into parents who disagree. My heart goes out to those parents, especially those who have to watch the harms being done to their children and are powerless to prevent it.

Part two will be on the issue of socially “transitioning” children. This has much wider implications for other parents because some of them are not disclosing the sex of their children to schools.

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