Men trapped in women’s bodies 4


Part four on the book written by Dr Ann Lawrence, a self-proclaimed, autogynephilic “transsexual” male. Lawrence felt there were too few reliable narratives about autogynephilia and set about reaching out to men, with this condition, via his web-site. In the previous section Lawrence repeatedly warns AGP men are often unreliable narrators. He believes the stories he was told were more accurate because they were talking to a fellow sufferer and because he knew how to screen out obvious fake narratives. He was particularly prone to believe accounts which did not follow the script and had not been sanitised for public consumption.


Lawrence provided his subjects with the opportunity to contact him anonymously. He received 229 testimonials which met the criteria for inclusion as follows: They were required to meet at least two of the following.


I don’t thinks we can 100% believe the narratives we are told but the more shaming admissions may be accorded some validity. Lawrence calls this ”reluctant testimony”. Some of the men express relief about finally having somewhere to be honest about their proclivities even though more than one was horrified to be engaging in acts they called ”perverted”. Sadly, one effect of meeting up, even virtually, with other AGP men seems to be normalising the idea of women as pornographic muses for men’s erotic fantasies about us. Reading these narratives it is abundantly clear they are embodying their deeply sexist idea of what it means to be a woman.

Forced Feminisation

This comes up frequently. What these men are saying is that they cannot think of anything more humiliating than to be forced into being (treated as) a woman; who is naturally designed, in their warped mindset, for the submissive role. One talks about taping his genitals up so that he is ”forced” to sit to pee. The accounts bellow are very explicit 👇 on their forced feminisation fetish but one admits he lies to his therapist; an admission made by multiple other respondents.

One respondent categorily stated that, if they are honest, most transsexuals have these fantasies.

Rape fantasy

Autogynephilic transsexuals are heterosexuals but this does not mean having sex with other men is not a feature of their fantasy, or real, life. Some of this is what I think of as ”validation” sex , where the man is a prop to validation the AGP’s female persona. Some of them add a layer of humiliation by making it non-consensual. This makes them feel more authentic as woman, let that sink in.

Here one talks about fantasising about being gang raped, as a woman, by many men.

Woman as ”victim”

This excerpt is from a Master’s Thesis in which a man talks about how being involved on the fetish scene, as a ”submissive”, helped cement his identity as a ”woman”. After one brutal experience, where his ”safe” word was ignored, he opined that the experience validated him as a woman. {No, sunshine this just shows you are a man who does not see women as fully human}.

Just one of the ”girls”

Some of the men deemphasise the sexual component but insult women in different ways by deploying the most regressive, sexist, stereotypes always calling themselves ”girl” even when many are middle-aged blokes. Here is a classic of the genre: Somebody has watched Grease a few too many times. 😳

Man are also participating, without their consent, as the narrators get an extra thrill trying to hid their erections, when a man refers to them as Ma’am or treats them with chivalry. They want to be women (oops ”girls”) from the 1950’s.

Men = Logical. Women = emotional

Many of these men actually admit they are not women trapped in men’s bodies. Many of them are in, stereotypically, hyper-masculine occupations and are keen to point out how competitive and successful they are. This respondent talks about his masculine versus his “feminine” side in language that implies men do the thinking and females are all about feelings.

There are a lot of other quotes covering rooting through your female relatives/partners underwear, stealing and wearing sanitary pads all as aids to w**king. Many of them are open about getting erections or aroused in the women’s toilets or changing rooms. Sexual fantasies about becoming pregnant or breast feeding recur. Some get off on going shopping or having a manicure. Are there no sexist, reductive stereotypes, about women, these men won’t fetishise? Embarking on relationships with actual females sometimes induces a temporary halt to the fetish and a ”purging” of female attire. It soon returns. It has all the hallmarks of addiction and, rather than normalising this, and seeing it as a victimless crime, they should be made to confront the real harm they are doing to women’s, sex based, rights.

Why autogynephiles lie.

Of course there is an incentive to lie to therapists or anyone in a position to ”gatekeep” access to treatments. However, it is also verboten to admit these fantasies to other ”transsexuals”.

Lawrence speculates that this may be why some gender therapists claim not to have seen any/many autogynephiles.

Some of the respondents felt that Lawrence was doing a disservice to the ”trans” community by exposing the dark underbelly of their community.

People are starting to see us as something other than freaks” Exposing autogynephilia may ”screw that up”.

At the heart of this paraphilia is deception

Women (and men) cannot be allowed to see the truth. Some are open at the deception they practice. Carefully curating their image so women let their guard down. Here is one example.

Men will sometimes claim that all they get from wearing female clothes is a feeling of ”relaxation”. This is to obscure their real , sexual, motivation and encourage women to feel sympathy for a man who is, perhaps, taking a break from living in a stressful male role. Blanchard was not happy to collude with this deceit.


There is a lot more to be gleaned from these accounts. In particular it may be worth returning to Lawrence’s insistence that boys as young as three are experiencing sexual fantasies. This seems to be dangerous territory.

I just want to conclude with a couple of statements, by Lawrence, who appeals to men to present themselves as akin to natal women as they can. Adding, if this gives you an erotic thrill, so much the better.

Superficially his advice for male “transsexuals”, to exercise some humility about their relationship to ”natal women”, could look like empathy but it is really advice to his undercover brothers about how best to exploit women’s support. Imagine living with a man who studies you, and relies on you to educate him to better emulate your behaviour, while simultaneously destroying your sex-based rights. (See accounts from Transwidows, for how creepy this behaviour is). This is not symbiosis its parasitical.

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Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies

In preparation for sharing the testimony of males with autogynephilia, Dr Ann Lawrence first explains why AGP males can be unreliable narrators of their own lives. Lastly Lawrence explains why he thinks the narratives he collected were more reliable.

First erotic arousal, while cross-dressing will either be omitted or it will be minimised.

They may indulge in a wishful falsification of their own childhood. This may not even be conscious. It may be outright, conscious lying but it could also be misinterpreting insignificant childhood events which, repeated often enough, are deeply embedded and fervently believed. For those men who have undergone significant, bodily, modification there may be a psychological need to believe this was inevitable based on the conjuring up of childhood memories. I would also had that given the shame associated with autogynephilia locating the desire in childhood serves to remove the sexual component, that is the source of the shame.

Bancroft (1972) documented a change in testimony from one patient who changed their story mid therapy. First they claimed they were of recent origin and then he retconned his narrative to report an earlier onset of the feelings.

Clients seeking access to surgery were more likely to misrepresent. Lawrence is of the few that, whilst sometimes this was deliberate it was “more often unintentionally”. I am not going to suggest all these men are consciously lying but I will only observe that there are many inconsistencies in the narratives of the transsexuals I have covered. There may be, as Fisk observes, ”pat histories”. How many accounts claim to have discovered their ”gender identity” at unfeasibly early ages at odds with child development theory? Alterations can be subtle, post-hoc rationalisations, outright denials or repressing a personal history that doesn’t reflect well on the subject. Note we have known about this compulsion to lie for over 50 years.

The subject may need to convince themselves as well as others. They may be more comfortable with the idea they are a true ”transsexual” rather than just a man who indulges in transvestic fetishism. The former has been granted some legitimacy, thanks to the rush to legally recognise ”transsexuals” by legislators across Europe and North America. The various ”Gender Recognition Acts” have conferred legitimacy on this desire of men to present, as the woman they love, on a daily basis.

Here is a handy list of the most common lies which ”transsexuals” admit to lying about. Lying about sexual arousal while wearing women’s apparel; pretending they are not sexually attracted to women/are attracted to men; pretending to have preferred toys associated with girls, as a child and claiming to have identified with female characters as a child.


Spare a thought for the wives of these men because they are not just re-writing their own histories but also those of their wives and children. In these cases the self-deception tips over into gaslighting and even abuse.

How reliable are Lawrence’s subjects?

Given all we know about the deception why would Lawrence’s interviewees be any more reliable? First of all they know they are speaking to a fellow autogynephile. They also have anonymity. Lawrence has also screened the respondents and weeded out those who were suspected of submitting narratives that had been published in earlier books about ”transsexuals”.

Lawrence had this to add. The MTF “transsexuals” that deviate from a ”true-trans” classic narrative are supplying ”reluctant testimony” which adds credibility. Those that own their early masculinity, heterosexuality and sexual arousal while cross-dressing are more likely to be truth-tellers. There is less motivation to misreport these things.

In the next piece I will cover the testimonies provided to Lawrence. His motivations may not align with radical feminist perspectives but he has performed a great service in documented this phenomenon.

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Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies 2

Dr Ann Lawrence: copy below. 👇


This is the third in my series on the work of Dr Ann Lawrence and the second blog which focuses on this book. Lawrence describes himself a ”transsexual” and admits to having autogynephilia. {For neophytes this is a paraphilia where a man is sexually aroused at the thought of himself as a woman. Often this is sanitised as ”love of oneself as a woman” brushing the sexual arousal part under the carpet.}. Part one below.

Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies

“Transsexual” accounts

Lawrence looked for any published accounts of men admitting to being driven by autogynephilia. He finds some accounts which have all the hallmarks of this paraphilia but an explicit admission, or even awareness of autogynephilia, was in short supply. Here is one from 1978. 👇Note the envy and the confusion of sexual desire, this is the erotic target location error that is autogynephilia. Note also the masculine language of ownership.

The role pornography plays is evident from many of these accounts. This, from 1995, is Kate Bornstein, who married, fathered a child and broke away from the Church of Scientology; only to join the Gender Cult.

Another is Claudette Griggs who treats the real lives of women as their own sexual fantasy.

Deidre McCloskey is another late transitioner who followed the well worn path from transvestic fetishism to ”transsexual”. McCloskey is another one who has turned a masturbation aid into an ”identity”.

Erica Zander claims a Lesbian identity despite not meeting the most basic of entry requirements. This is reminiscent of Hunt’s account with the language of ”ownership” : “Have her and be her”. Note also the appearance of ”envy”.

Here the author claims the erotic arousal is an unwelcome side effect of their cross dressing. Another one who married and fathered a child.

The evidence of the sexual motivations for these ”transsexuals” dates back decades. Remember these accounts when someone tries to manipulate you with claims of ”true transsexual” or who hides their autogynephilia. Or, even worse, is open about their AGP and claims we need to normalise it.

Lawrence did not find enough accounts of autogynephilia in the public domain so decided to add to the literature by seeking anonymous accounts. Men with AGP tend to be unreliable narrators and Lawrence covers the motivations for lying at some length. I will cover the nefarious motives for this obfuscation in my next piece. Then I will cover the accounts given to Lawrence. Are men more honest when talking to fellow autogynephiles? What could be worse than the above accounts? Are there even darker accounts of this paraphilia? (The answer is a resounding YES, in case you were wondering)

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Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies


Dr Ann Lawrence: copy below. 👇


I have finally got around to reading this book. Dr Ann Lawrence is himself a self-described autogynephile. This book extensively researches the stories of men who are in the grip of this paraphilia. I won’t assume he is entirely honest, and he doesn’t address the impact on the female sex in this book, but he is more honest than most. I intend to do a series on the writings of Ann Lawrence because I think understanding this phenomenon is vital to understand what is behind the attacks on women’s, sex-based rights. It is also critical that we head off calls to normalise AGP, some overt and some insidious.

First the Title

Lawrence rejects the notion that these are women born in men’s bodies. They are, for him, men trapped in men’s bodies. The forward was written by Ray Blanchard who first coined the term autogynephilia, which is, basically, a man’s love of oneself as a woman. Blanchard theorised that men who claim the name ”transsexual” can be divided into two camps. The homosexual “transsexual” and the autogynephilic “transsexual”.

For Lawrence, all the attempts to deny and demolish this theory falter when confronted by the words and actions of autoynephilic men. It is not surprising that there is widespread denial about this paraphilia. It has huge implications for the kind of men we are being urged to accept in single sex spaces. Moreover *some* of these men have undergone significant bodily modification to breathe life into the “woman” they love. Rejecting ”her” from female spaces triggers narcissistic rage in these men. {Lawrence has written on this phenomenon and that paper will also be part of this series}.

Lawrence’s motives for writing this book are described as wanting to explain this phenomenon so that other men, in the grip of this paraphilia, have an understandinf of their affliction. Lawrence argues, somewhat against his own interests, that AGP men are not the one’s who should be accepted as ”women”. For Lawrence, feminine, gay, transsexuals have the greater claim. Whilst I reject this argument, it is remarkable, to me, that Lawrence does not argue for his own ”woman”. After making claims of psychological affinity between feminine, MTF, ”transsexuals” and women; here’s what he says about AGP Men:

We have all seen how many men with this paraphilia have backgrounds in the military, have pursued extreme sports, or have PhDs in disciplines which are dominated by men. Whilst I don’t accept any men are ”psychologically” women the AGP males stick out like an erect penis.

I part company with Lawrence in other areas too. 👇 This is not at the benign end of the paraphilia spectrum. Indeed the men desirous of re-classifying biological sex, in service of their own fetish, are one of the more dangerous groups of men. 👇


Lawrence points out that many of these men deny any sexual arousal is involved in wearing the clothes associated with the opposite sex. This was disproved when penile tumescence was measured. Interestingly the most aroused these men became was when they were presented with scenarios of sex, as a woman, with a male. These sort of fantasies are common in AGP males and are not true homosexual experiences. The source of their sexual pleasure is being treated as if they were a woman; it’s validation sex.

Men lie about their sexual proclivities, shocker.

Dr Lawrence puts a more compassionate slant on this deceit. This, he argues, may be driven by seeking to respond in a socially accepted way and may also be based on a genuinely held belief. In other words men may not know they are lying because they are deeply immersed in their fiction and ashamed that it is sexually motivated. Either way I have long since learned to be distrustful of AGP narratives.

Subcategories of autogynephilic behaviour

Blanchard identified other associated fetishes in men who claim a female persona. Some may fetishise pursuits which are associated with female sex(ist) stereotypes. Think of that when you hear about a man taking over the ironing or bread making or taking up knitting. Someone really needs to tell the Women’s Institute who featured one of these men on the front of their magazine. The are clearly naive about the motivations for one of their newest members. They may also fetishise pregnancy, lactation and menstruation.

There are entire sites dedicated to men with these fetishes. Menophilia and Lactophilia generate their own porn and there is even a fragrance. 😳

Lawrence further claims that men can find the erotic stimuli decreases over time and the relationship of the AGP male, with his own female persona, becomes analagous to pair binding in a long marriage. I am not persuaded by this argument. Neither am I convinced we should treat this as a legitimate sexual orientation, as Blanchard proposes.

This would legitimise fetishising women and, as we can see, to validate this sexual obsession women’s rights to self-determination are being obliterated. This compulsion is driven by envy, even hatred, of actual women who decline to validate the ”New Women”. I am not willing to #BeKind to a movement which is in direct opposition to women’s rights. True compassion for the many young kids caught up in this is the real #BeKind, not fostering a delusion driving vulnerable kids to engage in state-sponsored self-harm.

Blanchard goes on to delineate the phenomenon of co-existing paraphilia that sit alongside autogynephilia. Are we going to legitimise all of them?

Lawrence also delineates the existence of co-existing paraphilia which are borne out by the reports of the ”transsexuals” he interviews. They include paedophilia, masochism, forced feminisation, adult babies, amputee fetishists and zoophiles. (I will cover these first person narratives later in this series).

Lawrence makes a critical point in this section. If we accept the notion of the female brain in a male body then are we also going to accept the idea of a little girl brain in a man’s body or the brain of an animal in the case of zoophilia?

Another claim, often made by AGP males, is that their impulses began in infancy hence they could not have had a sexual motive. This is such a common narrative. See ”I have known since I was three”.

Another observation, which casts doubt on the idea that this is an innate identity, is the differential, geographic, distribution of the two types of “transsexual” . In Asia the gay males predominate but not so in the UK and North America. This is a good quote but I would say modify it to state that our culture is accepting of this paraphilia regardless of ”the impact on others”

Denial of Autogynephilia

While I diverge from Lawrence on many issues it cannot be denied that this is an important work. Given that Lawrence is in the grip of this paraphilia they are more honest than most. They have suffered much backlash from the wider trans community who need to deny AGP to persuade law makers to compel women to serve as their handmaids. It is unacceptable that we are asked to validate men with a pornified fetish about our existence.

In this next section they respond to some AGP denialism. This quote is hugely revealing. The denial is explicitly because Blanchard’s typology is not incorrect; it’s politically inconvenient. All politicians should read this book.

More to follow in this series. I will cover a paper on AGP and Narcissistic Rage, next, then I will return to some of the case studies covered in this book.

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Researching Gender Identity Ideology and it’s impact on policy, law, especially pertaining to women’s rights and gay rights.